Good morning! Over at Make Money Your Way, I’m sharing how I make money by speaking multiple languages like English, French, and Spanish fluently.
A frequent question from my readers is how to manage relationships in early retirement. Honestly, it can be a bit unsettling.
Starting with old friends and family, they often see me as an oddball who stopped working during what should be my most productive years. My mom constantly asks if I’m going to look for a job or if I need money, even though I earn more than she does and live in rural Guatemala. My friends blankly stare and ask, “So, what do you do exactly?” then quickly dismiss it, thinking I’m on a never-ending vacation, probably funded by my mom.
On the other hand, new friends can be just as skeptical. Some might think I was a drug dealer or an escort to retire so early. Others might see me as a struggling freelance writer, like a less-glamorous version of Carrie from “Sex and The City” who couldn’t afford Manhattan and moved to the Guatemalan jungle. Some want to hang out every night or ask too many favors, making it hard to maintain balanced friendships.
Only a handful of my closest friends truly understand my journey, and a few new friends connect with me because they want similar lifestyles and seek support. Meeting someone who shares your unconventional lifestyle can be a relief, and many find each other through specific forums or by pure chance in real life.
When I was still working, a few colleagues started asking why I was aggressively saving and what my plans were. Unlike most, who thought I was crazy, they saw the sense in my strategy and wanted the same for themselves. They began to open up more, while close friends seemed to pull away.
Even within your household, relationships can be tricky. I read about a woman who married young, had three kids by 29, stayed home while her husband worked towards early retirement, and then divorced soon after he retired at 38. They had worked tirelessly for this goal but found themselves bored with each other after achieving it since they had no common purpose anymore.
At home with my boyfriend, things can get weird too. We’re together all day, whether we’re at home or traveling. Sometimes we chat for hours; other times, we say almost nothing. It can feel unsettling initially, but I appreciate my quiet time as an introvert.
My first year of early retirement was in Morocco, living in Casablanca. I spent my days writing for travel blogs, cycling, swimming, surfing, exploring, and learning Arabic. In the evenings, I’d meet my friends for dinner and drinks, but during the day, I was mostly alone. It got a bit lonely, but it was manageable and something I had expected.
If you’re an extrovert, you can join a sports club, volunteer, start a book club, or join the PTA if you have kids. Like stay-at-home moms, you’ll need to stay busy for your own and others’ sakes. The same applies to those retiring at 65 after decades of routine and struggling with newfound free time.
For me, it’s not an issue. I alternate between intense activity, like traveling full-time for months, and periods of low activity, like staying home and resting. I don’t need constant communication; I prefer meaningful interactions a few times a year over daily texts about trivial matters.
Oddly, you won’t see your friends more just because you have more free time. If you’ve been having drinks with your girls every Tuesday, that’s likely all you’ll continue to see of them. They have their own schedules, unchanged by your retirement. After a few attempts to meet for quick lunches at their offices, you’ll likely get frustrated and stop trying.
To stay social, your best bet is to make new friends who also have free time during the day.
Are relationships something you worry about when thinking about early retirement?