Why do people often feel the need to pressure us to climb up to where they are?
When I was a kid, my dad lost his job. Looking back, it wasn’t such a big deal; we still went on holidays, I continued my piano and horse-riding lessons, we attended one of Paris’s priciest private schools, and we lived in a fancy neighborhood. But my parents made it seem like we were on the brink of homelessness if we didn’t save on electricity and toilet paper. I believed them and never asked for anything extra. I remember my mom asking my dad’s permission to buy me a $20 winter coat because I had outgrown my old one.
The kids at my private school were relentless. If you didn’t have the latest fashion, they’d ask, “Are you poor?” Even as a tween, I started working to buy what I wanted. Through babysitting and piano lessons, I made at least $500 a month, which was a lot compared to the allowances of the wealthier kids. I bought some clothes but soon realized it wasn’t worth spending my hard-earned money just to fit in. Still, they pushed me to join their shopping sprees. I always used work as an excuse, but it was clear they wanted everyone to conform.
Fast forward ten years, I was at my desk eating lentil stew I had made the night before. It was delicious and perfect for a cold winter day. My boss walked by, gave my plate a disgusted look, and said, “I should really give you a raise if you’re down to eating this kind of crap.” The rest of the office then ate their processed triangle sandwiches, chips, and soda. Their lunch cost them five to ten times more than mine and was full of unhealthy ingredients.
I could have opted for a sandwich to fit in or continued bringing my homemade lunch to work, handed in my resignation a year later, and enjoyed a leisurely life under the Guatemalan sun while they stayed in a gloomy office until they were 65. I chose the latter.
Why do some people insist on pulling you into their circle so desperately? Why can’t they just be content with their lives and like-minded peers?
A few friends who had kids too soon and married because they felt pressured by societal expectations are now miserable, dealing with depression and medication. Instead of admitting their mistakes, they constantly pester me about when I’m getting married and having kids. Sometimes, I wish I could say, “When I look at you, it seems like it’s never going to happen.” Although I hope to find a life partner and maybe start a family someday, I will never do it just because my friends did. It’s the same with money and life choices.
People fear what’s different. They warn you against your choices to keep you as average as they are. Their fear can range from fake “I care about you” advice to outright sabotage of your plans. It’s like the bucket of crabs pulling down the one trying to escape.
When I was preparing for a round-the-world trip in college, I tried to save as much money as possible in my last year. I was ridiculed, told my degree would be worthless when I returned, and warned about various travel horrors. Few people wished me well, and those are the ones I remained friends with for 12 years.
One of the best reactions was, “I think it’s a great project for you. I could never do it myself for XYZ reason, but I believe you’ll succeed because it’s meant for you.” Even though it wasn’t their thing, they sent good vibes my way.
The others were just angry. “What? No house for a year? No car? How can you do that?”
It takes courage to live life on your own terms, but when you’re happy and satisfied (I even heard from them, “Wow, you’re glowing. You look so happy. When are you coming back to a real job?”), why do people need you to become as unhappy as they are? They crave belonging so much that it terrifies them to see someone thrive in a different lifestyle.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? IF WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD AIM TO BE AVERAGE?